Questions...

Day 10 Prompt: What questions did you ask?

As I'm sitting here, having just thrown some things into the crock-pot for creamy chicken noodle soup for supper tonight, I'm actually not thrilled about this post because this prompt makes me think about how vulnerable I was this year. Sure I could make this post a superficial one, only typing the questions that were meaningless to life and that really resulted in little to no change, but I'm going to be very honest with the questions I really asked. Questions birthed from a strong sense of inadequacy and doubt. Doubt in people. Doubt in myself. And, regretfully, doubt in the Lord. There are few people who know how my heart struggles with these things, aside from a couple of friends and the Lord. So, here it goes. A time to be real...


What am I going to do with my life after college?
Going into student teaching, I was nervous but excited. I love kids and love teaching. This is going to sound cocky but professors praised me on how comfortable I looked teaching , even on how much of a "natural" I was. So, clearly, one would think that teaching is what I would be doing right now--wrong. I decided in March or so that I wanted to do something different (for a few years at least). I wanted to move and try something different. Something my $160,000 degree would be of no use. I wanted and felt called to apply for an internship at LifeWay. If you read my post on what I discovered, you can see how much of a struggle it was for me to justify taking the job. But I'm here in Nashville and working at LifeWay and still contemplating what to do with my life, ironically.

How on earth an I going to direct a CentriKid team?
I, honestly, didn't even understand why I was chosen for the job. I mean, give me a group of kids and I'm golden. I'm good to go! But a group of my peers, that's when I freeze up. How was I going to lead 32 people spiritually, when I felt no confidence in my spiritual leadership? How was I going to be the point-person for a camp of 900? How was I going to get hundreds of thousands of dollars of equipment and 32 sons and daughters from camp to camp traveling over 1000 miles? I didn't feel as if I could. I felt the people that hired me we either deceived by me or crazy. There was no way the Lord would call a horrible sinner like me to lead a team for His Kingdom. Would I lead the team so stray that the Lord couldn't do work? Of course not!!! That's ridiculous to think,"hindering the Lord," but it crossed my mind.

When all of my friends are getting engaged, why am I perpetually single?
This is a question I used to entertain. Wasn't I good enough to be loved? Is there something wrong with me? Heaven forbid, am I called to singleness? The great this is, I try not to stress about this anymore! When I was at Secret Church, we were immersed in the topic of Marriage, Family, Sex, and the Gospel preached by David Platt of Brook Hills Church in Birmingham, AL. For 7 straight hours, participants listened to Platt and vigorously took notes on subjects from sex trafficking to homosexuality in the church. It was during the 5th hour or so that Platt preached intensely on singleness. Something he said really resonated with me, he said, "both singleness and marriage are God's gifts... and portray the Gospel." He also said, "Singleness portrays the Christian's ultimate identity in Christ." I reveled in this encouragement! Sure, for now, my singleness will continue to attract inquiries at family gatherings, but I'm trying to be content in my singleness and use it as a way to grow closer to the Lord. I pray that my future husband is doing the same.

If you're still reading, bless your heart! I didn't write about these things as a means of a pity party to or make you look at me differently, but I told you that I wanted to be real. If anything, people can see the Lord's grace and mercy in redeeming my life for His service.

Whew... I need to go rest after this post. Have a great day, friends! I hope this got you thinking about the questions you asked in 2011.